Raising kids is awesome.
They can make you laugh with their hilariousness. They can make you melt with their cuteness. They can
inspire you with their kindness. But raising kids is also very hard. Between temper tantrums, the constant
noise and mess, teaching them all the life skills they’ll need as adults. Introducing…
The Parenting Super Bundle.
I am honored that the e-book I wrote titled Raising the Blinds on Anxiety: Workbook for Kids following
my son’s battle with anxiety and panic attacks is included in this Parenting Super Bundle! (Perfect for all
you Superparents!) All the tools we learned in therapy, easy for a kid to understand, are included in this
workbook. The combined value of the resources in the bundle is amazing, and you will get EVERYTHING
for 98% off!
Check it out here:
This is like your favorite store that offers groceries, a cute top, a hot steaming latte, diapers, and that plum
lip gloss that makes you feel red-carpet ready all in one! One-stop everything to make life easier. Because
you have enough going on in your jam-packed world as a Mom and Dad. And sometimes this Mom needs a
shortcut in life. Oh, and I HATE finding out that I missed a good deal. (So grab this Parenting Super Bundle
before August 14th!) You will also find a few books that specifically address ADHD! (Win-win!)
A child with ADHD receives two negative interactions per minute.
Mind-boggling, right? As parents, we get so focused on wanting our kids to behave and correcting their daily wrong-doings that we don’t always think about the effect it has on our children. The negativity surrounding ADHD can be overwhelming. You try to do your best to be a good parent. But, parenting ADHD almost requires more than good, we have to be great. (No pressure, right?) Hey, I get it, Mom and Dad. You juggle a lot.
Like, a lot…a lot.
Then you collapse at the end of the day from the heavy emotions. Why does ADHD parenting require so much more? Because it isn’t just a focus thing, that’s only one piece of the puzzle. Our job as parents is more than just scheduling doctor’s appointments and meeting with teachers. You have fires to put out as you try to make sense of it all. Are you ready for the challenge? It’s not easy. This blueprint will give you an idea of what ADHD parenting involves. Some of you will be nodding your head in agreement because you live this on the daily, others just strapping on their seat belts for this journey will likely be thinking…WHAT?!? Hang in there, I promise, it gets easier.
In no specific order, Moms and Dads of kids with ADHD juggle:
Distraction Kids with ADHD are like a television. They are easily distracted, often changing channels.
Sensory overload Meltdowns are often the result of things being too loud, too bright, too hot, etc.
Emotional immaturity Kids with ADHD are often 2-3 years emotionally behind their peers.
Homework struggles Sitting for long periods of time can be difficult during homework due to distraction.
Sleep Issues Settling an ADHD brain isn’t easy, often keeping the child awake for hours at bedtime.
Friendships Establishing & maintaining friendships is difficult for kids who stand out due to high energy.
Power struggles Kids tend to argue as a result of their brain seeking activity.
Anxiety Kids with ADHD can also suffer from anxiety and or OCD.
High energy Self-explanatory, but ADHD means lots of energy to burn off & not enough time in the day.
Medication (if you choose) Meds can be a successful form of treatment, though some bring side effects.
Appetite Medications often suppress a child’s appetite, causing concern for parents and weight loss for the child.
School 504/IEP’s Children can struggle to keep up in the classroom or have behavioral needs that may qualify for assistance in school.
Public Ignorance Everyone has an opinion. And some speak uninformed opinions for all to hear.
Family seesaw effect Siblings get neglected by default, or arguing with a spouse/partner over parenting decisions.
Meltdowns Emotions can unravel and often don’t match the situation. Little things for adults can be big things for kids with ADHD. (See sensory.)
Interruptions ADHD means kids are impulsive & often interrupt conversations, not recognizing social cues in the moment.
Lying Kids who lie are often fibbing to cover up impulsive decisions/guilt.
Impulsive Kids with ADHD live in a ‘NOW’ world, not thinking of consequences. They live in the moment, and act impulsively.
That’s a lot, yes?
So, someone please tell me why parents aren’t nominated for some sort of an award? I can see it now…
‘I would like to thank the Academy, and all the parents who offered me unwanted advice in the grocery store.’
No? Okay, fine. The point is, parenting a child with ADHD is no easy feat, but it IS doable. For married couples, single parents, grandparents who are raising kids all over again, it can be done. If you’re drowning in all of it, hear me loud and clear:
YOU can do this.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make with kids who have ADHD is they rely on traditional discipline. Tactics that don’t bring results are repeated day in and day out and then parents wonder why it doesn’t work. Worse? They repeat the process all over again. I know, because we did the very same thing in my family. And we did this for 9 looooooooooong years. Want an example?
My son would touch everything in the store. Even after repeated warnings to stop, he touched anyway. I was convinced he was being disrespectful and ignoring me. (He clearly heard me, right?) We would ask why he chose not to listen? (In reality, he didn’t CHOOSE to not listen.) He would respond, ‘I don’t know.’ We would tell him to sit in his room until he could provide an answer. And he never had one. He never had an answer because he had NO IDEA why he did what he did. And his parents had NO IDEA what we were doing.
Parents of the Year.
But, we changed all that. You can, too! I couldn’t take just ‘getting through the day’ anymore. I wanted a better quality of life for my family. I wanted to understand my son and how to help him function at his best. I loved him, but there were times I didn’t like him and that made me feel empty inside. Then our second son was diagnosed and we were all over the place. I knew that no change=no progress.
Parents, change your mindset. Learn what makes your child tick, the strategies needed to reduce the chaos, the triggers to avoid, how to diffuse emotional meltdowns, all of this, and create the life you deserve.
Instead of putting out fires on repeat, prevent them. Manage them with ease when things get heated. My oldest knows we are a different family today. During a recent emotional moment for him, I remained calm. So calm that my son paused and said, ‘I appreciate you not blowing up. When you stay calm, it keeps me from getting all worked up like I used to.’ I love these moments because they are tiny victories for us both. Your family deserves this. Your child deserves this. Stop spinning your wheels and learn how to help your child in the comfort of your own home.
Join others, like Carrie, in learning effective ADHD parenting strategies that will change your family with my new course
It’s the course I wish I had years ago when I desperately wanted answers and didn’t know where to turn. This course allows you to step inside your child’s mind, see why they do what they do and covers parenting strategies that work!
‘Deborah, I want to thank you for your parenting tips. Every single one has relevant advice that actually works! Because the tips are given as small changes, I can change that little part of how I parent. You are awesome!’
~Carrie, an ADHD Superparent
I’ve helped over 300 parents improve the dynamics in their home by making some tweaks and changes to how they parent. I gathered the same strategies I used to improve my family in one convenient place & invite you to join me in taking a step toward reducing the chaos in your home! Grab the Earlybird Pricing and Bonuses before they expire in 7 Days!
Two years ago, I fired off an email to Bethenny Frankel on the television reality series ‘Real Housewives’ after she spit out an uneducated comment about tourette syndrome during one of the series episodes. (My son has ADHD, yet he also juggles the stress of anxiety and tourette syndrome.) Obviously, Bethenny’s words left me, well, pissed. As in, off came the gloves and Mama Bear went on the defense. It’s been a couple of years since I angrily hit SEND on that email without hesitation, (zero response, by the way) and I’ve learned a couple of things that all parents of kids with ADHD can apply.
1) Invoke the 24-hour rule before sending angry emails out into cyberville. (My husband has even taught me to write the damn thing as a form of therapy, then save it as a draft. 9 times out of 10, the email ends up in the recycle bin.) Unfortunately, I learned this AFTER blasting a couple of teachers with emails upon learning that they handled a situation improperly (and later told my son ‘Hey, tell your mother to calm down.’) GAHHHH
2) People don’t understand _______ (insert condition here), and that’s okay. Teach them.
Why the change of heart in #2? I have learned over the years that offensive comments usually come from a lack of knowledge, not a mean spirit. Heck, I didn’t understand ADHD, or anxiety, or Tourette Syndrome at first, either. I remember thinking our doctor was apparently not qualified when he first diagnosed my son, despite my child touching every canned good in the grocery aisle, never requiring sleep, and meltdowns that we, at the time, chalked up to disrespect and lack of discipline. The doctor spent 45 minutes with him, glancing at paperwork through squinted eyes and came to this life-changing conclusion. How could he know this in such a short visit? And why was his wallpaper brown and orange, and clearly in need of an upgrade?
Well, Doc was right. (And I was right about the wallpaper.)
Since then, I’ve severed ties with friends who made insensitive remarks and quickly learned that no one benefits, certainly not my kids or yours, by slamming doors. If there is a lack of knowledge in the community about these disorders, lets put out what we know. (Hence, this website.)
For the record, some of my favorite websites that are also putting it out there:
Others may not ‘get’ ADHD, and that’s okay. They don’t tuck your child in to bed each night. (Or watch him/her get up 9 more times for a drink, snack, bug bite itch, change of clothes, another blanket, one more hug, a night-light or monster check under their bed). Let’s shatter the sterotypes, the stigma of mental health, and THEN if friends or family still make uninformed comments, you have my permission to stick a boot in their a**.
Okay, not really. But, don’t spend much time debating their comments. I’ve learned that my energy is better spent with my kids. You are your child’s biggest advocate. No one else can be their voice when they are too young to speak for themselves.
Uninformed people usually fall into 3 categories, from my experience:
The public figure (Bethenny from Real Housewives)
The Co-worker (Who told me my son with anxiety needs to ‘chill, and man up.’)
Friend or Relative (Who said ADHD is ‘just about focusing a little more.’)
For your sanity alone, find ONE person (I’m happy to step up to the plate, if you’re out of takers!) who accepts that your child has ADHD and doesn’t judge the chaos you are sorting through each day. Someone who says, ‘I’m here if you need to talk.’
For me, I have always appreciated a letter my father wrote me that stated ‘Your boys are the highlights of my days.’ He researched ADHD, as did my mother, and told me to find some patience. Despite my kids running circles around my dad with a never-ending fuel tank, he never considered my children a burden and encouraged me to look for the good. All parents need one, more if you have them, unconditional supporter to carry the load when it gets heavy.
YOU are that person to your child. They need parents to guide them through the chaos as it will be a factor in how they view themselves as they develop their self-esteem.
How so? Here’s an example…
Discussing ADHD in front of your child as a negative: ‘There he goes again, never stops talking. All day, every day.’ Believe me, your children hear you.
‘Here we go, throw your fit like you always do.’
What is your DEAL? Did you take your MEDS?’
All of the above phrases can be a true confidence-killer, and taunt the child instead of modeling the behavior you want them to adopt themselves. We wouldn’t tell a child with diabetes ‘There you go with low blood-sugar again,’ or a child with asthma ‘Could you stop with those breathing problems, already?’ so why do we address ADHD as though our children are PURPOSEFULLY causing problems?
One mom emailed me a couple of months back to say her son decided to ‘Pull his crap again today.’
Yet, he didn’t.
He didn’t CHOOSE to misbehave. Often, a child feels out of control during a meltdown, or other factors may be weighing heavily on the situation: Lack of sleep, hunger, overstimulated, anxiety, sensory, etc. Changing our attitudes as parents will begin to change the dynamics in our home. This mother won’t see improvements in her child until she changes her mindset that he isn’t trying to make her life miserable.
It begins with us.
Kids with ADHD need to understand how they are wired, and not be chastised for a brain difference (or anxiety, or tourette syndrome, or any other condition) that is beyond their control. We are on the same team. The scoreboard isn’t us against them (though it may feel that way on many days). Any progress is a step in the right direction, no matter how slow.
The Cubs didn’t win the World Series overnight, correct? 😉
Root for your child. And then share with others when they are misinformed. It’s all part of the job when parenting a child with ADHD.
Part 2 of this series is tomorrow, along with some exciting news I have been waiting to share with you!
Don’t miss it!
Join my private Facebook group ADHD Superparents
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